It started with rage and an innocent carrot. I threw a carrot against the wall in front of my child and didn't recognize myself. Here's how I found clarity, built Peripal, and reclaimed my life during perimenopause.
At 45, Everything Looked Fine
Everything was good. Three kids. A wonderful marriage and a loving husband. A job that paid. Life was stressful but manageable, and I was really happy. I couldn't imagine that it would ever change.
Until we moved to New York.
The move was exciting. My husband got a job offer from a company based in New York City. We packed up our lives and left for one of the most dynamic cities in the world. I organized everything and managed multiple things at once. I felt like the queen of organizing our move. I didn't forget a single thing. I handled everything with patience. I supported my kids emotionally as they struggled with leaving our hometown. I felt a bit like the rock in the middle of a stormy ocean. Calm, steady, ready for the waves.
I thought I was ready. We were ready for this big adventure.
The Zombie Part
It started small. One bad night, then another. Soon I couldn't sleep at all. I would lie awake at 3 AM with my mind racing and my body restless. During the day, I felt foggy, exhausted, and barely functioning.
Sleepless Stephanie in the city that never sleeps. What an irony.
Then came the anger.
I'm not an angry person. I'm organized, capable, and steady. I do yoga. I am the kind of person who sees the glass as half full, never half empty. But something in me changed. I snapped at my kids over nothing. My husband would ask a simple question and I would totally lose it.
One day, over something I can't even remember, I threw a carrot against the wall in front of my son. It broke into many pieces, and I am still surprised that the wall in our old prewar brownstone didn't crack.
I didn't recognize myself. Who was this manic woman?
Then came the tears. I cried about that moment and then about everything else. Sometimes I would be standing inside a Whole Foods store, in front of the bananas, and suddenly tears would come without warning or reason.
Watching a Disney movie with my kids felt like running the gauntlet. After five minutes of watching Moana, I was sobbing. Don't get me started on Finding Nemo and the barracuda attack that killed Nemo's mom. It felt like a funeral.
In a new city, far from my support system, I felt completely alone and completely out of control. There is a saying that you can cry on the subway in New York and no one will care. That was me. Sitting on the Q train on my way into the city, crying instead of feeling like Carrie Bradshaw while passing the beautiful view of the Brooklyn Bridge.
The Doctor Loop
I went to doctors.
My primary care physician ran tests. Nothing showed up. "You're probably just stressed from the move," they said. That made sense on paper, but this felt different.
I saw more doctors. Same story. Stress. Adjustment. Maybe depression. One suggested antidepressants. Another told me to sleep more, as if I hadn't already tried.
I started to think I was losing my mind.
The Moment It Clicked
Then I found an OB-GYN who actually listened. Thank you, Angela.
She asked the right questions. Then she said one word: perimenopause.
Suddenly everything made sense.
I wasn't losing my mind. My hormones were changing. Estrogen and progesterone, which had been stable for decades, were fluctuating.
That explained everything. The insomnia. The anger. The tears. The weight gain. The feeling of not being myself.
She started me on HRT and guided me through it. Within weeks, I felt like myself again. The fog lifted. The anger softened. I felt human again. I was finally sleeping again, and it felt so good.
From Surviving to Thriving
But I didn't want to just survive perimenopause. I wanted to understand it and take control. I educated myself. I read everything I could find. I learned what works and what doesn't. I explored supplements, routines, and lifestyle changes.
I found a running group of women in their 40s and 50s who were going through the same transition. We talked openly about symptoms while running through the city. It was the most honest and supportive community I had found since moving.
I started running seriously and began training for a half marathon. I added strength training. I started tracking my sleep and recovery with an Oura ring. I will share more about that in a later post. I love this ring and the insights it gave me.
I built structure, data, and community around this phase of life, and everything changed.
I went from feeling out of control to being in control.
Why Peripal Exists
Here's the truth. I got lucky.
I found the right doctor. I found the right community. I had the time and resources to learn.
Many women don't.
Some spend years thinking they are losing their minds before anyone explains what is happening. Some never find answers. Some go through it alone, without tools, information, or support.
That's not okay.
Peripal exists so no woman has to figure this out alone.
You shouldn't need luck to understand your body, find the right care, or connect with others going through the same experience.
What You Get with Peripal
The information I had to search for, grounded in research and real experiences
Tools to track symptoms and patterns so you can take control and prepare for doctor visits
A community of women going through the same transition, offering support and validation
Permission to not just survive, but to actively shape this phase of your life
And last but not least, you get me, my personal experience and honesty. I am constantly looking for supplements, tricks, and ways to deal with this phase of life.
I built Peripal for the version of me who stood in a kitchen, throwing carrots and wondering if she would ever feel like herself again.
I built it for you.
You are not losing your mind. Your body is changing.
And you will get through this by understanding it and supporting it.
Welcome to Peripal. Welcome home.
Stephanie 💜